There are times.. in which you lose track of the surroundings and become completely lost in your own self awareness. Today I have been in a dizzying fog of self doubt. I've felt a total lack of understanding. The sad part is that I cannot pin this rut on anything. I would think, if I didn't know any better (because unfortunately I do), that this is what general anxiety based depression feels like.
Now to my point... Hold on just a minute. I don't think I had one (It must be the fog).
This leads me to believe that I need to go home.. thrust myself in an environment where there are zero expectations and an unrestrained amount of love. Not that sort of sissy.. i <3 you.. The good kind, the sort you spend an entire lifetime trying to find.
One would hope that everyone would find that true love.. true contentment.. true joy..
To the contrary, I know better.. I know that it will find me.. At a time and a place, that some strange fate has chosen for me. Maybe I've already been there, maybe it won't be for twenty years. I would argue that is the beauty to the approach.
Yet at the same time, that same approach carries a burden with it. The burden that you must always be aware, and always looking. We may have love right in front of us and not even know it. And just because fate destined a moment for us, does not mean we will be aware enough to realize it in time, to seize it.
I'm not really sure if this post is heading anywhere tonight. Honestly, I hope its not. In all sincerity I really hope I am just spouting off after a quite bizarrely bad week. In which, what could go wrong did go wrong.
Yet in further proof that maybe there is something to be gained in persisting on.. the weekend has arrived and to my pleasant surprise, I have all my ligaments and seem to still be functioning on most levels. Of course with the added bonus that one of my favorite holidays is less than a week away.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment